Because I Said So…

It happened.

I got an email yesterday about Kindergarten registration.  My heart just about stopped.

In the back of my mind, I knew she was going to go to Kindergarten at some point.  And truthfully, it’s not really Kindergarten that bothers me so much.  It’s everything that starting Kindergarten implies.

She’s starting school; we can never go back from here.  I will never get to have her at home with me all day.  I won’t get to take her places in the middle of the week just for fun.  No more snuggle sessions at rest time.  She won’t be home during the day to entertain little sis when Mommy needs a shower.

And what comes after Kindergarten is terrifying.  Elementary school, middle school, high school…then she will leave me.  And I KNOW it is several years in the making, it’s really not going to happen overnight.  But it SCARES me!  Once she starts school, it’s going to be a whirlwind of meet-the-teachers, school events, meeting new friends, growing, changing, gaining independence.  Once it all starts, it’s going to start flying by.  I won’t get these quieter, care-free days back.  And it definitely pulls on my heart strings.

I am excited for her, too.  I know she will love school, love her teachers, her new friends.  I hope that she learns new things everyday that she is excited to share with us.  I hope she gains confidence and independence and pride.  I hope that everything she’s been doing with me at home turns out to be helpful in some way.

There is still some debate in our house whether or not Ella will actually go to Kindergarten next year or not.  Her birthday is very close to the cut-off; she squeaks in just before.  But it makes her one of the youngest kids in the class.  She will turn 5(!) only a couple of weeks before school starts, whereas some other kids will have turned 6 just a few days after her.  Is she really ready for that?  Is she too young?  Will she be successful?  Will she get overwhelmed?  There are so many questions, so many concerns, so many possible outcomes.  And I’m not certain that there is one correct answer.  But Dave & I are trying to work out what will be the best for her, whether that is to start Kindergarten this fall or to wait and start her next fall.  There are pros and cons to both in my opinion. There are several factors to consider and hopefully whatever we eventually decide will work out the best for our sweet Ella Kate.

A tiny little greedy part of me wants to keep her at home for another year just because she’s mine and I don’t want to let anyone else have her yet.  I know that can’t be the deciding factor, but a mother’s love has to count for something, right?

I love seeing how much the girls have grown up every year!

Ella Kate

January:

February:

March:

April:

May:

June:

July:

August:

September:

October:

November:

December:

Audrey Claire

January:

February:

March:

April:

May:

June:

July:

August:

September:

October:

November:

December:

I have to confess, I can’t find any individual pictures of the girls from any time in November!  I don’t know what we were doing that we didn’t take any pictures, but there are none to be found.  So for November for each girl, I inserted an extra pic from sometime in the year that happens to be cute.

It’s amazing how much Audrey’s hair grew from August to December!  And Ella got so tall this year, losing that toddler/baby fat & looking like a little girl.

They both make me smile & laugh every day.  I can’t wait to see what 2012 brings for them!

I realized today that I haven’t uploaded or posted pictures of the girls in quite some time.

I am lame, I’m sorry.  I will aim to get that done this week!

As November comes to a close (and with it, our free XM trial…sniff), the Christmas season really gets into full swing.  I love Christmastime & all that it brings!  I am excited for our upcoming travels, for all the visits we get to have with family & friends.  But for the first time that I can really remember, I am really ready for the new year!

2011 has been heartbreaking in many ways, in several lives around me.  I know that the new year is just arbitrary & it doesn’t REALLY mean that this bad streak won’t continue.  But I just hope that it brings change, fresh air, new perspective, less pain.

There have definitely been great moments, too!  We got to take 2 awesome trips to Disney World.  Both girls have accomplished several milestones.  We got a brand new car.  We’ve celebrated quite a few important birthdays.  We’ve had many fun nights with friends & family.

And we are lucky in many respects.  Dave has a steady, stable, pretty secure job that provides us with everything we need.  We have good insurance that helps take care of us when we do need healthcare, and great doctors to heal us.  We have great families that help us out with many things & love our kids as much as we do.

I took Audrey to an appointment with the immunologists at Children’s Hospital last week.  It was a follow-up; they are double checking some stuff, but she is most likely just fine.  But as we entered, the hospital was decorated for Christmas.  It was a bit surreal, because the first time Audrey was hospitalized last year, the Christmas decorations were up.  She went in on December 3.  It was strange, bittersweet, sad.  I’m so glad that Audrey is healthy right now, that we are not imminently approaching another hospital stay.  It’s strange to see the decorations up again…that a whole year has really gone by since then, even though it certainly doesn’t FEEL like it.  But Audrey herself is so much different: 15 months old, walking, talking, teeth, chubby, happy, lots of hair.  Ella is different, too.  Taller, skinnier, smarter, sweeter.  But I guess that week will probably forever live in my mind as something that “wasn’t that long ago”.  I hope that Christmas doesn’t always have this stigma for me – the thoughts of my sick baby.  I’m sure each year will seem a little better.  But since that first hospital stay is really what started the “crappy year” ball rolling, it just sticks out.

Right now, in this moment, I’m grateful for my 2 healthy children.  I will approach this Christmastime with all the hope & happiness I can, knowing that we are lucky & healthy, happy, well cared for, safe.

And here’s to a better 2012!

Last year, I was inspired in November to make a “grateful tree”.  It was fairly simple, just a trunk with some branches and blank leaves.

Each day, Ella, Dave & I would pick a leaf & write down something for which we are grateful.  Often, they were sweet sentiments reminding us of the people and things in our lives that we don’t give enough thought to loving, such as each other, friends, distant family members.  Sometimes they were a bit sillier, like candy, My Little Ponies or Halo.  Either way, it forced us to take at least a moment each day to reflect on something we have that we are truly glad to have in our lives.

I think the concept was a tiny bit lost on Ella, at least as a bigger picture.  She did understand to tell me something she loved to write down, but I’m not sure she was 100% on the reflection & gratitude part.  This year will probably be a little better.

As November begins, thus begins the “Holiday Season”.  I LOVE the holidays, as I know I’ve stated before.  All the decorations, songs, gathering, food, and just the joy in the air all give me a rush.  But I think all of that gives us even more reason to take a moment each day to reflect.  Amidst all the chaos, having just a little bit of peace & using it to be thankful add a whole lot to our lives.

I’m excited to see how our grateful tree grows each year as the girls get older, more understanding and more grateful.  Here’s to a happy, HEALTHY & thank-full holiday season!

I believe last night we witnessed one of the most exciting, craziest, heart-pumping, stomach-churning baseball games of all time.

Despite all the errors, runners left in scoring position, dropped balls, etc., I cannot remember a game in which I have felt both more heartbroken and fanatical at the same time.  What a roller coaster ride for my Cardinals-beating heart!

There were times last night when it looked like the Cardinals had given up.  It looked like they had no heart left, that they didn’t care enough to win, that they were just going to give it up & let the Rangers trash our locker room.

And then amazing started happening.

We came up in the bottom of the ninth, down to our last hope, and David Freese hit a 2-run triple to tie the game.  What a momentum shift!  Of course, as our season has gone, the Cardinal batters could not get Freese home from 3rd.  So we headed into extra innings.

At this moment, I knew something bad was going to happen.  I knew leaving Freese at third was no good.  And Josh Hamilton jacked a 2-run home run.  Heartbreak.  I could feel the Champagne in the Rangers locker room getting bubblier.

And then, somehow, as the Rangers chose to walk Pujols in the bottom of the 10th to get to Berkman, the Cardinals pulled it off again.  Another comeback.  More fireworks, more heart racing.  But, of course, we left people on base.  Again.  To the 11th.

By some miracle of the baseball gods, we got out of an inning without giving up a home run.  And we lived to fight again for a Game 7.

I couldn’t watch.  I had to mostly cover my eyes.  With my heart pounding in my ears, I knew that we had to win it.  I told David Freese through the TV when he came up that it was either Go Yard or Go Home.

And then it happened.  As that ball sailed into the grass, as Freese was rounding the bases & the Cardinals dugout cleared in hysterical happiness, Cardinal Nation was given one more game.  As Joe Buck channeled his legendary father by inviting us to “tomorrow night”, as we heard neighbors cheering around midnight, as our 4 year old slept next to the radio broadcast of this incredible finish…Hometown Hero was anointed.

No matter what happens tonight, this post season, this World Series has been the most exciting sports spectacle I’ve ever witnessed.  From the improbable entry into the playoffs to the Game 6, a more hold-your-breath month of baseball I have never seen.

A friend asked me why we put ourselves through this agony, this stress of Cardinal love.  My only thought was back to watching Freese’s home run last night.

Because, even for just a moment, you feel invincible with him.  With the team.

And for that, I will take the extra gray hairs.

LET’S GO CARDINALS!

I mentioned a few months back that I was going to get on my organizing horse & try to whip my house into shape.

Time for a progress report!  I wish I had before & after pictures, but I do not.

It took a while to really get going, partially out of business, laziness, lack of time.  Partially out of feeling overwhelmed at how much stuff we have vs. how little space we have to keep it.  The latter part is still a problem, though we are slowly getting through the reduce, recycle, donate, throw away portion of organizing.

I started with organizing our medicine & first aid supplies.  Though I do still have the bag of expired, unused medicine (trying to find out where to leave it!) the reorganization is working great!  I put adult medicine in one basket, kids medicine in another & the medicine measurers in a third, all labeled.  The only stumping point I came to was right after I had reorganized the medicine, our dog had surgery & now has some medicines…she doesn’t have a basket.  Our first aid supplies & our nail clippers/polish/polish remover went into a stacked tote with a lid.  It’s much easier to access & find what we need now & the nail clippers are out of reach of little hands!

Dave & I also sorted through our clothes & we reorganized our closet.  It’s such a relief to feel like you’re gaining control of your life by just organizing your clothes!  It’s also funny to see what you’ve kept & why.  We limited ourselves to a certain number of t-shirts each, because we’ve accumulated so many over the years that they were taking over our closet!  Now it is so much easier to choose something to wear…we only have clothes in our closet that we WILL wear.  After our closet, I attacked the girls’ closet.  The hanging shelves just weren’t doing the trick, and I had to go through the sizes of their clothes for the upcoming season.  Even since I’ve done that, Ella has grown & I will probably have to go through her stuff again soon!  But I decided to go with a 2×4 cube shelf for each girl, plus one hanging shelf in the middle.  It’s not perfect, because there is very little space for hanging their dresses, but for now, it is working much better.  They each have 6 canvas drawers & 2 open shelves for shoes & binkies.  And the shelf along the top of their closet is much better, too!  Now I just have to get their outsized clothes organized into tubs & build this for my basement.

The kitchen got a major overhaul.  We decided to take a leap & move everything around in our cabinets & pantry.  We got full size (as opposed to the half length already in there) shelves cut for our pantry.  Then we moved our plates, bowls, pans, pots & baking stuff into the pantry.  We moved snacks, cans & other food into cabinets.  We were also able to reorganize everything in the cabinets since Audrey is finished with bottles; we were able to move some stuff into the cabinets that was previously out on the counters!  It has cleared up a lot of space & has been working nicely so far.

Unfortunately, that’s kind of where I’ve stopped right now.  I did move the extra sheets to a box under Ella’s bed, and I reorganized our coat closet.  But I haven’t figured out a good way to reorganize the towels yet & I’m still searching for the best way to organize our cleaning products to finish out our linen closet organization.

Our biggest project will be our laundry/storage room.  There is a lot of stuff in there that needs to be sorted through & it’s going to take both Dave & I with a free few hours…not a common occurrence.  We will also be reorganizing the play area some, and eventually the garage.

But I feel successful so far!  I’m hoping to get to the play area & the laundry/storage room by the end of the year.

Keep sending me your great ideas for organizing those areas!

I’m in love.

It’s only been a week and a half, but it was love at first sight.

You’re definitely not my type, so I was shocked when I fell head over heels so quickly.

The moment I laid eyes on your automatically opening & closing doors and your rear entertainment system, I had my own Jerry Maguire moment.

I introduced you to my family and they loved you right away, too.  Ella couldn’t wait to show you off to everyone we met.  Even little Audrey loves your built in sunshades.

Your backup camera, easy to use LATCH & convex mirror to keep an eye on the kids have made travel safer for us all.  You really know how to please a Momma.

When we learned of your cool box, USB port & tailgate seats, we knew it was a match made in heaven for our family.  Ella started soccer practice that same day…destiny was calling!

Even though a small part of me feels like I caved a bit on my strong feelings against you previously, I know that it was just a matter of time before I met the perfect match.  2011 Honda Odyssey EX-L(RES), I hope you’ll be a part of our family for a long, long time.

Audrey Claire turned 1 on Friday.

She is still toothless, chubby & the happiest baby ever.

But she has learned so many new things in the past several weeks, it is easy to see she’s growing up.  (Insert both happy and sad faces).

Audrey is very close to walking.

She has started to say some words, including “Eya” (Ella), “Mo” (More), “Uh-oh”, “Dada”, “Mama” and occasionally, “Baby”.  She also shakes her head no or yes and signs “more”.  We’re working on the signs for “milk”, “thank you” and “all done”.

She has also started to dance.  When she has pulled herself up to standing, she will just lean against something so she has 2 hands free to either hold stuff, clap her hands or dance to the music that’s on.

She is waving bye-bye (or hello sometimes).

She loves the dog & will follow her around & pat her.

She imitates lots of sounds including dinosaur roaring, airplane sounds, coughing, laughing, singing, blowing raspberries & other sticking your tongue out sounds.

Audrey is obsessed with balls & balloons!  She will pick up a ball & throw it to you, or for herself & then go get it.  I think we have a little athlete on our hands.

She is fearless.  She can’t even really walk yet, but she will climb up stuff.  Luckily, we were at the mall play area when I discovered this so the floor was cushioned in case of a fall.

She eats almost all solid foods now, even without any teeth.  We just cut up whatever we’re eating into tiny pieces and she eats it!  The few things she hasn’t liked so far are watermelon, cucumber & pepperoni.  But this girl is definitely not a vegetarian…she loves sloppy joe, salsa chicken & turkey!

In general, she is the happiest baby ever.  She will cry when she’s tired or really hungry, or the occasional drama between siblings.  But Ella is her favorite person & they are so cute together. They are so sweet to each other (mostly) and they make each other laugh all day.  Ella always wants to take care of Audrey & Audrey adores Ella & wants to do everything she is doing.  Audrey’s face lights up & she can’t contain her excitement when she sees Ella each morning.  It is the best start to each day!

Audrey’s first birthday party was small, but sweet & fun – perfect for her.  We had her party at the same pavilion & park where Ella’s first birthday occurred!  Audrey loved looking at the birthday cards, but her very favorite part was eating the cake!  She ate about half of the little cake we got for her…I don’t know how she stuffed it all in there!

This is what was left:

We tried to get a good family picture, but this is the best that we got:

Ella was very happy to help Audrey open her gifts:

I can’t believe my baby is 1 already.  It has been a whirlwind of a year.  But I can’t imagine our lives without her now.  She is a perfect fit in our little family and we love her so much.

4 Years Old:

3 Years Old:

2 Years Old:

1 Year Old:

1 Month Old:

Tomorrow, Ella Kate turns 4.

Most of me can’t remember what it felt like before she was born.  Sure, I can remember what we DID before she was born.  It’s just difficult to remember how I FELT before she was born.  Since the minute we met, I’ve been head over heels in love with her, and I can’t remember NOT loving her.

Ella has grown up so much in the past year.  She has gone from being a toddler to being a full blown preschooler.  She’s a “kid”, in her words.  I know she is still little, but sometimes she acts like a teenager.  I’m grateful when those moments pass and she asks to snuggle again.  But I know, as each birthday comes and goes, that she will get more independent, more capable.  I love watching her grow up and learn new things, make new friends, become a person of her own.

This past year has brought an overload of princesses, ponies, unicorns, Strawberry Shortcake, Angelina Ballerina, fairies, swinging, learning to write her name, drawing recognizable figures, becoming an amazing big sister, loving school, making new friends and dancing & singing.  This summer has brought out a new love for swimming, Fancy Nancy & doing everything herself.  She is a girl, through and through.

Ella has had a few moments of craziness this year; a few cringe-worthy, scream-fest tantrums that have left us both embarrassed and exhausted.  But on the whole, she has shown this year that she has a truly kind heart.  While Audrey was in the hospital twice (three times if you count her birth!), Ella was nothing but patient, kind, loving and sweet.  She would often bring in her stethoscope to help the doctors make Audrey better.  When a new friend joined Ella’s class in January, she was quick to ask him to play & try to comfort him when he was sad.  Generally, she is a very encouraging girl.  She gets as excited for Audrey to do new things as we do. She is very stubborn and probably a little bit spoiled, but she is also a good friend and a great sharer.

I am so proud to be Ella Kate’s mommy.  I feel lucky to have her as a daughter.

Happy birthday, my little Ella Kate Monkey.